and I am having a harder time of it now then I did at the beginning of David moving out and into the Group Home. I know he is doing well, he seems to be happy when I pick him up, there is peace in his eyes, but there are things that I don’t like. The last two Saturdays when I have picked him up he has not been clean, he has been smelly and in need of his teeth brushed, hair washed, and last week he needed deodorant in a bad way! The girls they have there on the weekend are just college age girls with no real clue. I think they care about the clients, I just don’t think they understand the need for them to be kept clean. The house smells like a nursing home…I hate that smell. I don’t know why the house smells this way, it didn’t smell this way when we moved him in…anyway, he is doing fabulously in Pittsburg and my concerns are small ones that I really shouldn’t be letting bother me. When I get him home I get him cleaned up and he is healthy and happy. During the week he has a regular shower every night before bed and I took him an electric razor to shave with last weekend. I just have to trust God with the rest and know that he is taking care of.
Well enough of my complaining…Things are really going good around here and I am so very grateful for the Lord and His hand of protection on my family and friends! He has been so very faithful to us and will continue to be faithful, even when we are not.
As I walk with the Lord of Lords and King of Kings, I have to ask myself what is my commitment level? What am I willing to do for and with him? Speak to a total stranger on the street when I know they are hurting and need an encouraging word? What about those who are known to me that I could speak life into but choose to walk on by because I am to busy or lazy to notice? I look at my life and wonder what it would be if I chose to walk in obedience no matter the cost to me and my comfort level. I am by nature a selfish person, I like my alone time, I like to decide when and if I will allow others into my time schedule. This is just the facts. I know that I have missed divine appointments because I have been to selfish to see them. I have missed blessing and healing and encouragement for my own life because of this as well. I don’t want to continue down this path. I want my life to make a difference in the lives of those around me, the ones I know and the ones I will know at a later time. There is so much that God can do in me and through me if I am willing to let Him do it. The cost of living this way is no more selfishness, no more thinking of my own comfort over that of others. Big order for one who is so very into comfort! I am on day 76 of prayer. I didn’t stop at day 40 and this has been an amazing journey. He is changing me, He is doing a work that I know is going to have an impact on my world. But there is such a long way to go…as I am pretty messed up! I am learning that there is great value in a hug, a prayer, a word of hope in someone’s dark place of hurt. That when I speak to someone what I hear the Lord saying they are given a gift of His peace in their situation or hurt. I have seen the Lord answer prayer for healing, jobs, relationships, etc…Love seeing God work in the lives of those I am circling in prayer! Some haven’t yet been healed or gotten the job, or are still battling in relationships, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be answered! I want to walk in faithfulness that is life changing for not only me but those around me that need Jesus! So as I have asked myself the question of what my commitment level is, I am asking you the same. What is your commitment level? What are you willing to allow God to do with and through you?
but the FOOLISH one TEARS it down with her own hands. These are very true words! It translate into more than your home as well. If you are the manager of your husbands business you can build it up or you can tear it down, wisdom or foolishness. I have watched a woman, who thinks she is smart and knows way more than anyone else about everything there is to know (“in my opinion” in case she is reading this, she will understand that comment). She has single handedly been responsible for 10 employees walking out the door since 2012. This office has lost hard working, loyal workers that just could not take the meanness of this woman. And yet she, and her husband since he will do nothing to bring her under control, that she is going to be the downfall of this practice. She see’s herself as the all knowing one, the only one who can do anything, and she also believes that her husband will cheat on her with any pretty woman that he works with. Is that not the saddest thing? How good can the marriage be if she is suspicious of him all the time? She thought that one of his med techs had her eye on him because she sent him text messages saying such seductive things as “the sidewalk outside the office is very slick this morning, be careful” Or “thank you for letting me off early today so I could go to my sons game the score is…” I know if some woman who worked for my husband sent him messages like that I would automatically think he was having an affair! NOT! This was such an affront to this woman that she has now found another job and gave her 2 wks notice to the good Dr. I am so proud of her for taking the stand. Her character was maligned and Dr’s wife thinks that is ok. Apparently so does Dr because he does nothing to correct this unacceptable behavior. And so once again he loses a hard working, loyal employee. Since I walked out the door in Sept this will be the 3rd person to leave his employment in 5 months time. All 3 of them gave notice within weeks of each other, and yet he tells them that it is all in their head and that things are just fine in the office. The morale is good, the team is happy…he really believes that, or at least that is what he says. So I ask you, are you a person that builds up or are you a person that tears down? What kind of fragrance do you leave when you walk into or out of a room? Do people sigh and say oh no she is here or oh Thank you Lord she is gone when You leave? When people hear your name in public or in your home do they think of a Godly loving person or do they think of a mean spirited haughty person who thinks more highly of themselves then they should? Are you a Christian all the time or just at church? What legacy are you leaving? What memory will people have of you? Were you WISE or were you FOOLISH? Do you have religion or do you have a Relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords? Your life will tell the story much louder than your words.
Don’t get me wrong, we are all a work in progress and we all make mistakes and have much to learn and have a lot of room to grow, but the question I am asking is still valid…for if you think you already know it all then you have no room for growth, therefore you become stale and of no use in the kingdom of God. And what is worse, you are a stench and cause those who know you as a Christian to question the love of the God you claim to follow…I know that I am very black and white in my opinions. I make no apologies for this, I love God and serve Him with all, heart, mind and soul. I have no problem calling sin, sin and wrong, wrong. I am not PC nor will I ever be. Anything that keeps the truth from being spoken is in no way “correct”. God’s word is an offense to many, but especially to those who say they are living for God and yet are not following His ways. WISE or FOOLISH? BUILDING or TEARING down? What is the fragrance you leave? Food for thought…until next time….
This month has been an emotional month with ups and downs. Questions about if I did the right thing or not. Did I jump to soon ( I only gave it 2 1/2 years!)
On Sunday I put on a pair of pants I had not worn for a year…they fit! Yay! But I digress. There was a piece of paper in my back pocket, so I pulled it out to see what it was. It was a message that was sent back and forth between me and the office manager (I use the term office manager very loosely here) I had asked for something to be changed to make the front office run smoother in the morning…after reading that message it made me mad all over again and that had happened a year ago! The problem that I had addressed last year is still a big problem in the office and the girls are still expected to take extra time consuming steps that are stupid and a waste of time for everyone involved. That being said, I knew that I had made the right choice and I also think that I should have left much sooner than I did. I gave my everything to make that job work. One of the things that the Dr. told me he liked about me is that I can look at a situation and come up with ways to make it more efficient. He would call me to his office with a problem and I would be able to come up with a solution, usually off the cuff, simply because that is how I think. But from the time he went independent and his wife came on board I was no longer able to use my skills and abilities to make the office run better. Every time I would say something it was shut down. And if by chance something did actually get changed I would eventually get in trouble for it because it wasn’t her “idea” therefore it should not have happened. Anyway I just wanted to share that I am at peace with my decision to leave the Practice and I know for sure and for certain that I made the correct decision! I am still looking for another job, I have submitted so many applications that I am starting to lose track of them. I did finally apply for unemployment yesterday. Dr. told me that he accepted my resignation but he didn’t want me to stay the two weeks, that he of course would pay me for the two weeks though. Well….he didn’t pay me for the two weeks. I gave them a month to do this and the check never came. So I went ahead and applied for unemployment. I don’t know if I qualify for it or not, but I owe it to myself to at least look into it.
On to better news…Tim and Kelly are on their way here. I am so excited to see them! They have been married for nearly a month now! They will be here for a couple of days and then off to Alaska for a few weeks. Grandma Dorsey is heading to Alaska as well. Her granddaughter Julie is getting married, Sooo they will all be in Alaska together. Such a great time of their lives together! I am so blessed that they are together and that they are doing so well.
And other news…My sweet daughter Stephanie is now engaged to Corbin! He asked her last week and she said a very Big YES! I am so excited for them as well. Our family is growing and we couldn’t be happier about it!
Corbin and Stephanie
As a flunky I am not anything but a toady, a yes man, an assistant that does menial work…yep I guess that about covers my job. I am not to question things just do my job. I am not to make waves in the office, just try to do whatever the office manager wants done, it is not important if what she wants is ineffecient, redundant, a waste of our time? NO, just do it. So now that I take a look at the definition of a flunky I have come to the conclusion that is what I am. I do what I’m told and don’t ask questions, give my opinion if asked with the understanding that I am only being asked in hopes of making me feel like my opinion counts (only it dosn’t count) so that I will continue to do my magic and make things run smooth even though I know they are not running smooth. The last two snowstorms that we have had in the last week have really brought just how badly things are run. Last week one of our providers didn’t even get notified that the office was closed. He wasn’t asked if he could get to the office, or that the decision had been made to close the office, today this same provider was again not consulted when the decision was made to keep the office open. He was unable to get down his street this morning and therefore unable to make it into the office to see patients. Now the decision to keep the office open was made without discussing anything with key people! Why? Why would you not make sure that everyone is on the same page? Why is it so hard to have a plan in place? Is it so hard to get your ducks in a row before you start making decisions that are going to affect everyone in the office? One of our techs was already on the road to work and had been on the road for almost an hour! Would it have been so hard to make this decision before she left for work? Another one was already to work before she found out we were closing, gas prices are high right now! Is it to much to be considerate of others finances? I was on my way out the door, David was up, dressed and ready to go to work with me. I had made arrangements for my husband to take me to work this morning because he has a four-wheel drive truck, so he stayed home and was an hour late to work. Had we known by 6am this morning we all would have stayed home, my husband would not have been an hour late to work and David would have still been in bed for awhile longer! I know that you are all probably tired of hearing me complain about my job. I am not mad about my job all the time I just find my blog a very good outlet for my frustrations. I am not this frustrated all the time, just I don’t seem blog when I’m happy!!!
How quickly the day flew by! We had a wonderful Christmas eve service at 11pm that took us into Christmas day, hugged the necks of many loved ones and celebrated the birth of our Savior together. Christmas day we slept in, we had our gift exchange which was sweet as usual, for the most part, we do have the emotionally impaired boys still! Our dinner was very good and filling and yummy. The day was amazing clear up to the point of finding out my daughter was leaving early to spend the rest of the day with her boyfriends family. I don’t have a problem with them spending time with his family, quite the contrary, but my issue was this, I was supposed to get all if Christmas. Thanksgiving was cut short because she had to leave to go to his house, he didn’t even come here he stayed with his family for all of thanksgiving. She told me that I would have her for all of Christmas but I had her for less than a full day. As you can tell I’m not handling it very well. I hate it that I am less important, that I will most likely always be “giving up” my time. I can usually bounce back if given enough time to process things, but I got no time to process so it made it nearly impossible for me to enjoy the rest if the evening with those who were staying. We still had our annual ginger bread house competition, something Stephanie had specifically said she wanted to do but left before we had it. I wonder does she feel the loss like I do? Does she miss us at all? Will I ever have my daughter back? Or have I lost her to another family? My heart aches and there seems to be no end to it, even in my sleep I am aware of the terrible loss. She no longer serves the Lord and now she is no longer available to us for more than a few short hours. I am working through it and I will move beyond this hurt. Just needed to get it off my chest, like writing about it will really remove the heaviness that is always there, hovering, waiting to overcome me. By Gods grace His Spirit is always there keeping me, comforting and encouraging. Sorry for the downer this post is, maybe the next one will be more uplifting!
The worship band got an Excellent, Michael and Kelly’s solos each got Excellent, Michael and Kelly’s songwriting each got Superior with Invitation to Nationals, Cabrina’s poem got Superior with Invitation to Nationals as well as being in the top 4!!! Brittney got an Excellent on her First person Essay. So incredibly proud of these kids and all their hard work!
Kelly also took This picture for the two dimensional art entry. She got an Excellent. She is pretty bummed we all thought she would go to nationals with this one. We will see what the critique sheets say tomorrow. She did get a superior with invitation last year and it was taken away from her for a technicality. She dotted all I’s and crossed all her t’s to make sure she covered all the bases and again she dosn’t get to take her art to Nationals. Very frustrating. These lessons are hard to understand, not sure what she is supposed to be learning, but this has been quite a blow to her.
I got up early this morning and went to OKC to pick up Kelly so she could sing her songs for a school competition this afternoon, she did a very good job at that competition as well, glad to be home and out of the car! I HATE driving in OKC. I Always get lost! Even when I know where I am going, have driven there before, it is guarateed that I will take a wrong exit and end up somewhere, like the Stockyards instead of the church where the competion is! Charlie called to check on me when I was leaving OKC and I had to get off the phone so I wouldn’t miss my exit…again! I drive in KC, Dallas, Tulsa and do not have these problems but OKC is just the worst for me!!! I guess that is all I have to say about that! I am going to get off of here for now, I may come back later to rant some more though