It is so hard watching your grown children choose to believe differently. I watch as one has completely walked away and another is walking closely with the Lord. Another has one foot in the world and one in the Kingdom of God, another has taken a little bit of truth and accepted untruth mixed in as The Truth without really testing it against scripture. I watch this and I want to grab them and bring them to safety, but the time for me to do that is over. I tried this weekend to talk with one of my darling children about what she is taking as truth as far as the church goes but she already knows what I’m going to say and was ready with all the reasons I was wrong, but not once did she have scripture to back up why she was right. She had some valid points, the church today is not what it should be. We are more of a business than a ministry in many ways. But to throw out the church altogether, to choose to belittle the church and all that it is to the very people who are called to minister in that setting…seemed rather harsh to me. In the new testament they were organized, they had leadership and accountability. The way she is talking about there isn’t any accountability, I am bothered because, yes she has always been stable in her walk with the Lord but right now she is dangerously close to the edge and thinks that she is safely away. I told her I didn’t have any concerns about her walk with the Lord earlier in the conversation, but after our talk I am now very concerned. I just don’t know how to talk to her about this. I guess it is time for me to do some warfare over my children! Compromise is not an option in our walk with Jesus, we can compromise unimportant things but not the Word of God, not the principles in His Word for our life. The enemy is out to destroy all those he can. We are all in danger of his deception because there is always enough truth in what he tells us that it is easy for us to swallow if we are not careful. We need each other in these last days, we need the accountability that meeting together regularly gives us. We need to stay connected to one another. We need to be in The Word of God daily, communing in prayer daily, depending on the Holy Spirit to alert you to deception. I am a warrior In Prayer and I am putting the enemy on Notice right here and now that I won’t stand idly by while he deceives my children! I will take you on in the Spirit Realm! I will make you wish you had Never touched my family! I will not go down easily, I will not accept defeat, and I will not lose even One of my children to the enemy! I come in the Authority and strength of Jesus Christ and His shed Blood that paid for our Salvation! I know that I have prayer warriors that will and are fighting right alongside me. This is not the time for complacency. We must be fully awake and fully armed! Jesus is coming Soon and we have a mission to reach as many as we can. And I have a mission to take my children back from the enemy…on my knees in the Spirit Realm!
and I am having a harder time of it now then I did at the beginning of David moving out and into the Group Home. I know he is doing well, he seems to be happy when I pick him up, there is peace in his eyes, but there are things that I don’t like. The last two Saturdays when I have picked him up he has not been clean, he has been smelly and in need of his teeth brushed, hair washed, and last week he needed deodorant in a bad way! The girls they have there on the weekend are just college age girls with no real clue. I think they care about the clients, I just don’t think they understand the need for them to be kept clean. The house smells like a nursing home…I hate that smell. I don’t know why the house smells this way, it didn’t smell this way when we moved him in…anyway, he is doing fabulously in Pittsburg and my concerns are small ones that I really shouldn’t be letting bother me. When I get him home I get him cleaned up and he is healthy and happy. During the week he has a regular shower every night before bed and I took him an electric razor to shave with last weekend. I just have to trust God with the rest and know that he is taking care of.
Well enough of my complaining…Things are really going good around here and I am so very grateful for the Lord and His hand of protection on my family and friends! He has been so very faithful to us and will continue to be faithful, even when we are not.
We got the call last week that there is an opening for David to go into Residential care. My first reaction was a deep sense of loss, I have had David as part of my everyday life for coming up on 28 years now. I feed him, bathe him, put him to bed at night, get him up in the morning, take him to his dr appointments, taken care of him when he is sick, he goes everywhere with me, and now he will be gone. Yes, this is the natural thing to happen but as Charlie put it, all the other kids were able to take care of themselves when they left, David is like a 5 year old and we are turning him over to someone else to take care of him. I am torn and sad, excited and expectant of good things all wrapped up in the same emotional heart. I am praying that this transition goes smoothly for David and for us. The Kids are all on board and willing to help in anyway we need them to. I really appreciate their willingness and support. I knew this day would come, I have wanted this for David, I have prayed that he would be able to be independent of Charlie and I. Yet now I have to walk it out and my concerns of him being cared for and loved like he needs have to be left in the hands of The Lord and I have to trust Him to take care of all the needs that David has. Trust that there will be someone there who will hold his hand and rub his back when he is getting upset or frustrated. Give him hugs often, because they are very important to him. That he will be treated with respect and not mistreated. So many thoughts and concerns for him to even put down here. We go this Thursday to tour the group home and Day Services that he will attend now. And Monday to go over all the details of the move, and the details of the requirements. We are moving in slow motion and at lightning speed all at the same time. My only peace in all this is my relationship with God and his comfort and peace that he is surrounding me in. That being said the sadness is so deep and the loss is profound…yes I know we are not losing him, he will be 45 min away…says the person who has not had him in their home and life for 28 years. Yes, we are losing him, we will still see him, we will still be his mom and dad, but things will never be the same again. There is a shift taking place and everything is changing.
This is not a good thing. It Is Awful! David has been coughing so hard that he throws up. He is being treated with Tamiflu and with an antibiotic. The Antibiotic is to cover any chance of a secondary infection. Special Needs People like David are more fragile and need special attention when it comes to this kind of infection. I am so glad that he has such a good Nurse Practitioner. She is very good with him and thinks things through when it comes to his care. As for Charlie and I, we are taking the Tamiflu, which by the way is EXPENSIVE even with insurance! I wasn’t going to get it at first but then after one night, we decided we were willing to pay the price for the medication! It does help and it was well worth the cost! Although we are feeling better we still sound Terrible!
On to other things…Charlie gets his Baby Grand Piano tomorrow. He is soooo excited about this. We got a deal we couldn’t pass up on it. He is working 7 days a week now so I really don’t know when he is going to get to play it, but, I guess he won’t always be working 7 days a week! I am looking forward to hearing him and Michael play on it. Michael is now enrolled at NEO with a Music Major, and is taking piano lessons. So he is pretty excited about the piano as well.
Other news, my car is in the shop being fixed. They called yesterday to say that there was about $6000 worth of damage done. It will be another week before I get my car back. It is amazing how much damage a deer can do to your car. This pic doesn’t really show much. They said it appears that the deer “sat” on my hood and did quite a bit of damage under the hood. Looks can be deceiving that is for sure. I will be glad to have me car back…as will Michael as he is taking me everywhere I need to be till this is fixed. He is a good son!
My 28 day clean eating bootcamp was okay but not what I would have liked it to be. I plan to continue eating “clean” as much as I can, but it is harder than I though it would be. I am on day 26 of my 40 days of prayer. I am seeing God work in so many areas, and I know that He is working in all the things I am circling in prayer. It is amazing to me that He cares so much. Kelly and Tim both have jobs now, however, I am continuing to pray that Tim gets a specific job he is really wanting to get. I love the journey I am on!
I had my first day at CHC SEK today. It was an orientation day so I haven’t really started work yet, I start at the Center tomorrow morning. I am soooo looking forward to starting work with this medical group. This is a group of people that seem to be genuinely concerned about the people that come there for care. They want to provide them with the best care they can give them from the front to the back. I am impressed with the way they talk about healthcare and meeting these people at their place of need regardless of ability to pay. This has been refreshing. Do they make sure the billing gets done correctly? Yes, that is a priority, they have to be able to pay the bills. But the patients ability to pay doesn’t make a difference in if they will get the treatment they need. So anyway, onto other things…
I went with my daughter, Stephanie to check out a Wedding Venue. It is a beautiful place. She is wanting to have the wedding outside. The place we looked at is set up for ceremony and reception all to be in one place as well as a place for the bride to get ready there on site. I don’t know if this is where she will choose but it was a really nice . They are planning to keep the wedding small, with just those who are closest to them. They also don’t want to have children there. She said something about all guests being at least 14 to attend. That isn’t set in stone yet, but I am pretty sure that is the direction they are going to go with this. I will give updates as they come in…I am so excited for Stephanie and Corbin, this is going to be fun!
So for now I am signing off, and heading to bed. This day has exhausted me. The emotional drain of leaving my previous job and finally getting this new one, coupled with Kelly and Tim getting married and Stephanie and Corbin getting engaged has really taken a toll on me! So many Big changes in such a short time is hard on a body! But they have been good changes for me! I am blessed!
my children are all adults now and quite capable of taking care of themselves, but you know what that doesn’t change how it feels when someone is unkind to them. I understand why this woman has been so unkind. She is jealous of what they have and she is incredibly insecure in her own life. But my kids are 19 and 20 this woman is in her 50’s! She has two teenage daughters, if they were treated or spoken to in the manner she has felt compelled to treat my children she would be all up in the face of whoever dared to treat them that way. I have not been in her face about how she has treated my children, nor has Charlie. My children are adults and have handled the situations with far more maturity and character than this woman has shown the entire time she has been here. She just moved here and seems to be quite unhappy with her life, her situation, and everything that is happening around her. I have had to come to the conclusion that I can allow her to infect my life with her misery or I can refuse to allow her access to my heart and mind. We all make decisions in life, we all have things that we have to face and deal with that are not fun or comfortable. But we also all have the choice to let those things make us better rather than bitter. We can teach our children to overcome life’s challenges or we can teach them to blame others and never learn anything from the hard lessons. I am very proud of how well my children, Michael and Kelly, have handled themselves with the way this woman has thrown hurtful words and actions at them like they are targets for her arrows and fiery darts. They both recognized her sorry and pitiful life, they both realized that they were not the problem, but that the problem was hers. Although what she said was hurtful they have both been able to forgive and move on. They both chose to let it go and not allow her to have that kind of power over them. Does this mean that she is going to go without being challenged? No I believe that she will be held accountable for her actions. I don’t know who will hold her accountable…probably not me, that is unless she says something stupid to me, then it will probably be me 🙂 It just really confounds me that there are people out there who say they are Christians yet they are so bitter and unforgiving, full of hate and malice towards innocent people that have nothing to do with the place they are in their life. Such a pitiful and sad life to live. To have the grace and mercy of God available and to even profess that you are under it, yet you live in such darkness and deception. I have no room for anger towards this woman, only pity and sadness that her life is what she has made it. She touched my children and she hurt them, but because of the training that my children have had they rose above the hurt to see the real problem and chose to handle themselves with maturity and character. So Very Proud Of Them!!!
been an eventful and good week. Kelly and Tim arrived a week ago Wednesday and it has been a great visit from the get go! I must say that having a young man sleeping with my daughter in her room is, well, weird! But we have gotten used to that, sorta! They have Charlie and I playing Dragon City, a stupid facebook game that I have no idea what I am doing on. I just feed and breed the dragons and fight the battles, but have no idea what I am actually supposed to do in this game! LOL anything to connect with my kids! gotta stay up with them right? Well at least that is my excuse!
I have had to work really hard at not letting myself be depressed even with all the stuff going on! I really wonder how much longer I am going to feel this! I don’t want to go back to my job, not anymore, I am past that now, but it sure would be nice to have a job to go to! I am not one for sitting around the house with nothing to do. Charlie wants me to pick my scrapbooking hobby back up…thought about it. I do have plenty of stuff that needs to be done around here. Closets, drawers, filing cabinets and desk all need to be cleaned out and the junk gotten rid of…and then there is all the stuff outside that really needs to be cleaned out…like I said it isn’t that I have a shortage of things to do! I honestly don’t want just any job and quite frankly if there were something that I could do at home and get paid for that would be ideal for me. I am not a salesman though and so that definitely limits my options!
We have yet another play that we have tried out for. MLT is doing “A Christmas Carol” this December! It will be a very good distraction for me and Charlie is going to do this with me, even though he is way to busy to do it! He has been so supportive of me and really has made this transition easier. “Smokey Joes Café” was a great big HIT! We had so much fun doing this show, I hope that the next one is as much fun…but it is full of kids and that means that we will hear a lot of yelling trying to get everyones attention during practices and that grinds on my nerves pretty quick…all part of the process.
We are heading out to dinner in Joplin tonight. This is our last night with Kelly and Tim. Kevin and April are coming from Springfield to have dinner with us, Corbin and Stephanie will be there as well as Michael and David so we will have 10 of us tonight…nice big bill to pay at the end of dinner, but so worth it! I wish we could have Holly with us, she will be the only one not there! Kelly and Tim will be going to see her tomorrow in KC though. My family is growing and I must say that my children have chosen well. They each have a mate that compliments and makes them whole. That is Fantastic and blesses me! Thank you God for answering my prayers and bringing the right mates to my children at the right time. I know that Holly and Michael will each find the right one in God’s time and I am so looking forward to meeting them!
Well I have rambled on long enough and probably have lost all 3 of my readers already! Talk with you all later! And thanks for taking the time to stop by and listen to me! It means a lot!
This month has been an emotional month with ups and downs. Questions about if I did the right thing or not. Did I jump to soon ( I only gave it 2 1/2 years!)
On Sunday I put on a pair of pants I had not worn for a year…they fit! Yay! But I digress. There was a piece of paper in my back pocket, so I pulled it out to see what it was. It was a message that was sent back and forth between me and the office manager (I use the term office manager very loosely here) I had asked for something to be changed to make the front office run smoother in the morning…after reading that message it made me mad all over again and that had happened a year ago! The problem that I had addressed last year is still a big problem in the office and the girls are still expected to take extra time consuming steps that are stupid and a waste of time for everyone involved. That being said, I knew that I had made the right choice and I also think that I should have left much sooner than I did. I gave my everything to make that job work. One of the things that the Dr. told me he liked about me is that I can look at a situation and come up with ways to make it more efficient. He would call me to his office with a problem and I would be able to come up with a solution, usually off the cuff, simply because that is how I think. But from the time he went independent and his wife came on board I was no longer able to use my skills and abilities to make the office run better. Every time I would say something it was shut down. And if by chance something did actually get changed I would eventually get in trouble for it because it wasn’t her “idea” therefore it should not have happened. Anyway I just wanted to share that I am at peace with my decision to leave the Practice and I know for sure and for certain that I made the correct decision! I am still looking for another job, I have submitted so many applications that I am starting to lose track of them. I did finally apply for unemployment yesterday. Dr. told me that he accepted my resignation but he didn’t want me to stay the two weeks, that he of course would pay me for the two weeks though. Well….he didn’t pay me for the two weeks. I gave them a month to do this and the check never came. So I went ahead and applied for unemployment. I don’t know if I qualify for it or not, but I owe it to myself to at least look into it.
On to better news…Tim and Kelly are on their way here. I am so excited to see them! They have been married for nearly a month now! They will be here for a couple of days and then off to Alaska for a few weeks. Grandma Dorsey is heading to Alaska as well. Her granddaughter Julie is getting married, Sooo they will all be in Alaska together. Such a great time of their lives together! I am so blessed that they are together and that they are doing so well.
And other news…My sweet daughter Stephanie is now engaged to Corbin! He asked her last week and she said a very Big YES! I am so excited for them as well. Our family is growing and we couldn’t be happier about it!
She has had an eventful year this year! She met the love of her life in April of this year and married him this last Saturday! They chose to have a private ceremony on the beach in N. Carolina. We didn’t get to attend but we were very much in agreement with this marriage! Very happy for both Tim and Kelly! Happy Birthday My sweet girl! I pray that you are always as happy and blessed as you are right now! I love you so very much!!
yes I have one! And what a delight he can be and then there is the other side! Like putting a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet and flushing! Yes this causes significant trouble! Like flooding my bathroom, kitchen, laundry room, and hallway! I know my friend Chelle totally feels my pain as he has done this to her repeatedly as well! Arggggg this is such a frustrating thing, not to mention GROCE! Poopy water all over my kitchen, YUK!!!! Well it is all cleaned up and David is appropriately sorry, as he always is. There are some things that come with having a special needs adult, like the pure joy that he has in the smallest things, the ability to love completely no matter what happens, and the ability to do things that can send the best mom into orbit when she walks into her kitchen and has to pull her pants up to keep them from getting wet from the disgusting water that is pouring into the room! You take the good with the bad and thank God that the problems you are having are just a nuisance and not a tragedy! He keeps things in perspective for me and God uses this young man to keep me grounded and level!