Good news…

Charlie called a friend of ours and asked him if he would be willing to watch after David until I get home from work and he said YES!  What an jumpingincredible, unbelievable, indescribable relief this is to me, you have no idea how much stress this alone will relieve for me. David has made it all the way into town on his walks. He has no fear and he just keeps on going, kinda like the energizer bunny! Not to mention the seizures that have started up again…All in all I am thrilled to know that he is going to be with someone we trust and that I no longer have to count on my children, bless their hearts, to be home when he is home. So I am sending this HUGE THANKYOU out to Jim! You are a blessing!!!

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Well the week has ended, I am still breathing

as is my manager! I have to tell you that I have found it very hard to not defend myself during this fiasco. I am still not clear as in the darkto just what is happening or going to happen. I do know that they had a very good time “discussing” me at a dinner thingy that I chose not to attend as I didn’t want to spend the evening with my enemies after spending the day with them! However, as much as they frustrate me I do have to give them credit for only acting like their Father, and I am not talking about their earthly father either! They are behaving in the only way that they know how and it is no suprise that they hate me. I am a child of God and we were warned that we would be persecuted in this world because of Him! So for me this has been a real hard thing because most of my life has been a sheltered one, not out among the ungodly long enough to be persecuted by them! I have only experienced the persecution from fellow believers!!!  Not fun either, let me tell you, maybe worse because they should know better! But enough of this drama crap umm, stuff!

Michael is  doing great, as far as I have been able to tell. He is having a little bit of trouble with making friends, it seems that forgiveness isn’t a strong suit among God’s people if it concerns someone you know who really messed up, as a child I might add, but that is a whole nother can of worms!!!  He is really trying to make right choices and we are really trying to be there for him, and change the way that we deal with issues that do come up, as it seems they always do! I know that God has a friend for him that is going to be good for him and encourage him to do what is right. We all need a friend like that, don’t we? Pray for him when you think of him, and his finding someone who will like him for him and also loves Jesus!! 

David has bGateway 002een wondering around town, I hear. I didn’t hear this first hand but through the grapevine…don’t understand that at all. I am looking for someone who can keep him in the afternoon until I get home from work. Michael and Kelly have to much going on after school to be able to count on them getting home for him. I have one person in mind that I am going to contact. She has a daycare though and may not want to have him there with the other kids there. Please pray with me concerning this delima. He hasn’t had another seizure, but it is a real concern to me that he may have one and be alone when it happens. I don’t mind him taking walks, in fact it is very good for him to be active and walking. But the whole seizure thing puts a new slant on things . He has an appointment next month with a neurologist, as well as an EEG scheduled for a couple weeks before hand. We hopefully will have some answers soon. I truly am not a deadbeat mom, just don’t have many options for a caregiver. It is one thing to take care of a child, it is a whole different matter to take on a 230 lb man, who will on occasion pitch a fit or have a seirzure! Isnt’ life grand? Always looking for solutions to problems…

VICTORY IN 2009~

okay. here. we. go.

I. am. not. an. incompetant. irresponsible. person.

And so I have to dwell on what the Lord has told me about who and what I am in His eyes, and what He is to me! Which brings me back to this song again….
Made Me Glad by: Miriam Webster

I will bless the Lord Forever, I will trust Him at all times,

He has delivered me from all fear, He has set my feet upon a rock,

I will not be moved, and I’ll say of the Lord…

You are my shield, My strenth

My portion, Deliverer

My shelter, strong tower

My very present help in time of need

Whom have I in heaven but You? There’s none I desire beside you, You have made me glad!

Wonderful Weekend in OKC

I went this weekend with a heavy heart and totally frustrated. I came back with a light heart and refreshed. My dear friend Chelle, told me angel-1to read Gen. 39 (which I did) and it was a confirmation to me that I was hearing from God. Joseph went through some VERY difficult and unfair times in his life before he found himself in the place that God had planned for him to be from the beginning. He had to walk out the hard and unfair times in order to be ready for the what God had planned. I am walking this out and trusting God to keep me through it. Joseph stayed tender toward the Lord throughout the hardships, trusting him and knowing that where he was God knew he was there and had him in sight at all times. I know that God sees what is happening at work and that he has his eye on me, keeping me, teaching me, training me. I have much to learn and this is just one step to the goal that God has for my life.

This song ministered to my heart at such a deep level Friday night. There was healing that took place in my heart and emotions that was so needed.

Made Me Glad by: Miriam Webster

I will bless the Lord Forever, I will trust Him at all times,

He has delivered me from all fear, He has set my feet upon a rock,

I will not be moved, and I’ll say of the Lord…

You are my shield, My strenth

My portion, Deliverer

My shelter, strong tower

My very present help in time of need

Whom have I in heaven but You? There’s none I desire beside you, You  have made me glad!

I know that you who are following this saga, soap opera, whatever it is, have been praying for me and words cannot express how much that means to me. I am waiting on God and trusting Him to take care of it. He spoke to my heart months ago when this started that He wanted me to let Him be my protector and defense! That He would take care of this without my having to do a thing.  So now I walk it out. I have no idea what I am going to walk into on Monday morning, but I do know that with God I can do this and I can do it well!

Victory in 2009~

Whats next?

This is getting to the point of stupid! I found out today that my manager is telling everyone who will listen that I am jealous of her and gossiptrying to get her in trouble so I can get her job! I have done nothing of the kind. She also was told by someone, that I applied for this position and that is why I am trying to get her in trouble. I have tried to do what she has asked me, I have shown her the ropes and kept her hiney out of hot water on more than one occasion, I have done everything I can to make sure that she is successful in this office and now I am the bad guy? I did apply for this postion and if I had felt ready to do the job, she wouldn’t be here right now. I am the one who decided that I wasn’t ready and that if they had someone who was qualified to take this position and was someone they felt would be a good fit for the office to hire her and let me have the time I needed to learn how to be an office manager. I didn’t then or now plan to take her job but to step into a position that they wanted to create for me. To come along side her and help her with whatever she wanted me to do. I guess that in order for this to work you must work with someone who is secure in themselves. I am very angry right now. She is working very hard at turning everyone in the office against me, painting a picture of my character that more closely resembles her own, not mine. This is not my style. I do not have to belittle others to make myself feel better, or lie about their intentions so that I will look better. This woman has nothing to fear, but herself. She is looking pretty petty and bad right now in the eyes of the doctors. That knowledge dosn’t make it any easier to work up front. It is heartbreaking to me that I am dreading going to work now, and not able to enjoy what I do.

tick, tick, tick the sound of a bomb about to explode!

Things are going okay at work. I am not sure what is happening in the closed door meetings that are taking place. I do know that the Doctor time bombwas already aware that things were not good up front and that I was not being treated right. He has assured me that he is going to do what he can to fix the problem. I know that God has given me great favor here and that is not something that is given by man but by God. I don’t want anyone to lose their job, I only want to be treated right. Allowed to do my job and learn new things. There is plenty of work to go around, no need for anyone to feel threatened by anyone else here.  The Doctor thinks that my manager feels threatened by me…this woman has been in this business for 25 years why on earth would someone who has only been working in a drs office for 6 months be such a threat? I don’t understand it. There is definately a ticking bomb (this is a figure of speach, not a real bomb for any of you who may feel the need to call for the authorities) my question is will it be diffused before it goes off or are we going to have an explosion and wounded people? 

I am tired of feeling like I have a target on my back all the time. targetThere comes a time when you have to make waves in order for things to be made right. Today another person was the target. It was our office float. She was there to help out for the day. She was treated like she was lazy and incompetant. Not by everyone, only our office manager made her feel this way. She had the same look in her eyes that I know I have had on many occasions. She is a long way from lazy and incompetent, she is a hard worker always busy with whatever she can find to do! I was not sure if she was going to come back this afternoon. She did, I talked to her and encouraged her to ignore what was said. Easier said than done, I can assure you!  Something must change and it must change soon. I am unwilling to be treated like this or watch anyone else be treated like this. This incident was witnessed by several and reported to the Doctor. I am sure that you all can tell how frustrated I am with all this. There has been a lot of hurt here and meaness. I don’t think you ever get used to being belittled, I don’t anyway.  All I can figure is that her life is soooo miserable that she must make others feel miserable in order to feel good about herself. And with that outlook there is really no other way to feel but sorry for her.

aaauuuuuggggg 2

Okay I am ready to strangle someone. I truly am at a loss for what this woman wants from me. Let me tell you about my day at work on Friday.Mind you I have been gone for two days due to David and Kelly being sick and the whole seizure thing with David. Soooo I go back to work on Friday obliviously thinking that I will do my job according to the detailed list of things that my manager gave me on Tuesday defining my responsibilities. One of my responsibilities is the release of medical records for our pts, insurance companies, and the Lawyers offices. Soooo I get a phone call from a patient asking about her records and where they are because the Dr’s office they are supposed to go to has not recieved them. I put her on hold and set out to find out what happened to them. . I couldn’t find her chart in the wall so I let Beth know that I was going to the back to look for it. When I returned up front my manager was at my window checking out pts. I let her finish what she was doing and continued to hunt for this chart, as the pt was waiting on me for the answer. (the pt is still waiting for an answer, I was not allowed to finish) Sheila was upset with me for not being at my window. She stated that I am “never” at my window and that she wants me to stay at my window and check out pts and answer phones. She stated that Beth was “always” at her window and that the pts “never” had to wait to be checked out with her. This is not a true statement as I had to check out pts on several occasions and on many I let Beth know that there was a pt at her window waiting to be checked out. She made it clear that she did not approve of my work, that she felt I was not doing my job and that she was ready to “have a meeting” concerning my performance. I was simply trying to fulfill the responsibilities that were assigned to me on the list, it seems that no matter what I do it isn’t going to be right. Something has to change. Of course I am documenting all this and in much more detail than I am giving on here, but I have to tell you that I am frustrated to the extreme! What would you do in this situation? How would you handle an unreasonable boss?  I have said time and again how much I enjoy my work, but the stress of working for this woman has taken the joy out of my job. When is enough, enough?