It is so hard watching your grown children choose to believe differently. I watch as one has completely walked away and another is walking closely with the Lord. Another has one foot in the world and one in the Kingdom of God, another has taken a little bit of truth and accepted untruth mixed in as The Truth without really testing it against scripture. I watch this and I want to grab them and bring them to safety, but the time for me to do that is over. I tried this weekend to talk with one of my darling children about what she is taking as truth as far as the church goes but she already knows what I’m going to say and was ready with all the reasons I was wrong, but not once did she have scripture to back up why she was right. She had some valid points, the church today is not what it should be. We are more of a business than a ministry in many ways. But to throw out the church altogether, to choose to belittle the church and all that it is to the very people who are called to minister in that setting…seemed rather harsh to me. In the new testament they were organized, they had leadership and accountability. The way she is talking about there isn’t any accountability, I am bothered because, yes she has always been stable in her walk with the Lord but right now she is dangerously close to the edge and thinks that she is safely away. I told her I didn’t have any concerns about her walk with the Lord earlier in the conversation, but after our talk I am now very concerned. I just don’t know how to talk to her about this. I guess it is time for me to do some warfare over my children! Compromise is not an option in our walk with Jesus, we can compromise unimportant things but not the Word of God, not the principles in His Word for our life. The enemy is out to destroy all those he can. We are all in danger of his deception because there is always enough truth in what he tells us that it is easy for us to swallow if we are not careful. We need each other in these last days, we need the accountability that meeting together regularly gives us. We need to stay connected to one another. We need to be in The Word of God daily, communing in prayer daily, depending on the Holy Spirit to alert you to deception. I am a warrior In Prayer and I am putting the enemy on Notice right here and now that I won’t stand idly by while he deceives my children! I will take you on in the Spirit Realm! I will make you wish you had Never touched my family! I will not go down easily, I will not accept defeat, and I will not lose even One of my children to the enemy! I come in the Authority and strength of Jesus Christ and His shed Blood that paid for our Salvation! I know that I have prayer warriors that will and are fighting right alongside me. This is not the time for complacency. We must be fully awake and fully armed! Jesus is coming Soon and we have a mission to reach as many as we can. And I have a mission to take my children back from the enemy…on my knees in the Spirit Realm!
and I am having a harder time of it now then I did at the beginning of David moving out and into the Group Home. I know he is doing well, he seems to be happy when I pick him up, there is peace in his eyes, but there are things that I don’t like. The last two Saturdays when I have picked him up he has not been clean, he has been smelly and in need of his teeth brushed, hair washed, and last week he needed deodorant in a bad way! The girls they have there on the weekend are just college age girls with no real clue. I think they care about the clients, I just don’t think they understand the need for them to be kept clean. The house smells like a nursing home…I hate that smell. I don’t know why the house smells this way, it didn’t smell this way when we moved him in…anyway, he is doing fabulously in Pittsburg and my concerns are small ones that I really shouldn’t be letting bother me. When I get him home I get him cleaned up and he is healthy and happy. During the week he has a regular shower every night before bed and I took him an electric razor to shave with last weekend. I just have to trust God with the rest and know that he is taking care of.
Well enough of my complaining…Things are really going good around here and I am so very grateful for the Lord and His hand of protection on my family and friends! He has been so very faithful to us and will continue to be faithful, even when we are not.
We got the call last week that there is an opening for David to go into Residential care. My first reaction was a deep sense of loss, I have had David as part of my everyday life for coming up on 28 years now. I feed him, bathe him, put him to bed at night, get him up in the morning, take him to his dr appointments, taken care of him when he is sick, he goes everywhere with me, and now he will be gone. Yes, this is the natural thing to happen but as Charlie put it, all the other kids were able to take care of themselves when they left, David is like a 5 year old and we are turning him over to someone else to take care of him. I am torn and sad, excited and expectant of good things all wrapped up in the same emotional heart. I am praying that this transition goes smoothly for David and for us. The Kids are all on board and willing to help in anyway we need them to. I really appreciate their willingness and support. I knew this day would come, I have wanted this for David, I have prayed that he would be able to be independent of Charlie and I. Yet now I have to walk it out and my concerns of him being cared for and loved like he needs have to be left in the hands of The Lord and I have to trust Him to take care of all the needs that David has. Trust that there will be someone there who will hold his hand and rub his back when he is getting upset or frustrated. Give him hugs often, because they are very important to him. That he will be treated with respect and not mistreated. So many thoughts and concerns for him to even put down here. We go this Thursday to tour the group home and Day Services that he will attend now. And Monday to go over all the details of the move, and the details of the requirements. We are moving in slow motion and at lightning speed all at the same time. My only peace in all this is my relationship with God and his comfort and peace that he is surrounding me in. That being said the sadness is so deep and the loss is profound…yes I know we are not losing him, he will be 45 min away…says the person who has not had him in their home and life for 28 years. Yes, we are losing him, we will still see him, we will still be his mom and dad, but things will never be the same again. There is a shift taking place and everything is changing.
As I walk with the Lord of Lords and King of Kings, I have to ask myself what is my commitment level? What am I willing to do for and with him? Speak to a total stranger on the street when I know they are hurting and need an encouraging word? What about those who are known to me that I could speak life into but choose to walk on by because I am to busy or lazy to notice? I look at my life and wonder what it would be if I chose to walk in obedience no matter the cost to me and my comfort level. I am by nature a selfish person, I like my alone time, I like to decide when and if I will allow others into my time schedule. This is just the facts. I know that I have missed divine appointments because I have been to selfish to see them. I have missed blessing and healing and encouragement for my own life because of this as well. I don’t want to continue down this path. I want my life to make a difference in the lives of those around me, the ones I know and the ones I will know at a later time. There is so much that God can do in me and through me if I am willing to let Him do it. The cost of living this way is no more selfishness, no more thinking of my own comfort over that of others. Big order for one who is so very into comfort! I am on day 76 of prayer. I didn’t stop at day 40 and this has been an amazing journey. He is changing me, He is doing a work that I know is going to have an impact on my world. But there is such a long way to go…as I am pretty messed up! I am learning that there is great value in a hug, a prayer, a word of hope in someone’s dark place of hurt. That when I speak to someone what I hear the Lord saying they are given a gift of His peace in their situation or hurt. I have seen the Lord answer prayer for healing, jobs, relationships, etc…Love seeing God work in the lives of those I am circling in prayer! Some haven’t yet been healed or gotten the job, or are still battling in relationships, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be answered! I want to walk in faithfulness that is life changing for not only me but those around me that need Jesus! So as I have asked myself the question of what my commitment level is, I am asking you the same. What is your commitment level? What are you willing to allow God to do with and through you?
I have such a great Leader, I don’t even hardly know how to act! I find that she is compassionate, funny, reliable, does her job well and makes everyone around her feel like secure in their own job as well. I don’t know that I have ever had such a great Leader before. I am so thankful and probably more grateful after enduring Sheila and then Jeane. There is a Huge difference in working for someone who is secure in their job and someone who is insecure! And then there is the side of her that is so very good to David. Yesterday I had to have David brought to the office because Michael had piano lessons. Allie came up and started a game of cards with David! He loved that. So did I. I am blessed with so much at my present job and I am so very grateful to God for opening this opportunity to me. I came into this job hurt and disillusioned but now I am doing what I do well and have a great group of people to work with. There are blessing all around us, we just have to be willing to look for them and sometimes a change is required of us. I hated leaving my old job, I really loved working for the Dr but I must say that this move was a very good move for me and has been full of blessing and joy all along the way. God is wonderful, even when things are hard He always comes through. I can trust Him with every detail of my life knowing He has everything under control even when it feels like He isn’t paying attention!
I have been without my computer for 3-4 weeks now. I thought it was just a virus but turns out it was terminal! My hard drive is dead. Soooo I am at a place of deciding if I want to get it replaced or just let it go. I have a new computer now. I am downloading everything that I had saved on Carbonite to my new computer. But, Holly needs a computer and she could use the my old one with a new hard drive. decisions decisions. I haven’t been able to ask Charlie about what he thinks because his phone goes straight to vm. grrr. At this point we are not out any money on the old computer…and the cost of the new hard drive isn’t bad, but if I can’t find the original disks to be put on the new hard drive then we are going to be adding up costs…I guess the first thing I need to do is find those disks. I am pretty sure they are in Charlie’s closet somewhere. According to an article I read a hard drive is 80% more likely to crash after 4 years so apparently mine was one of the 80% that die at age 4…may it rest in peace.
This is not a good thing. It Is Awful! David has been coughing so hard that he throws up. He is being treated with Tamiflu and with an antibiotic. The Antibiotic is to cover any chance of a secondary infection. Special Needs People like David are more fragile and need special attention when it comes to this kind of infection. I am so glad that he has such a good Nurse Practitioner. She is very good with him and thinks things through when it comes to his care. As for Charlie and I, we are taking the Tamiflu, which by the way is EXPENSIVE even with insurance! I wasn’t going to get it at first but then after one night, we decided we were willing to pay the price for the medication! It does help and it was well worth the cost! Although we are feeling better we still sound Terrible!
On to other things…Charlie gets his Baby Grand Piano tomorrow. He is soooo excited about this. We got a deal we couldn’t pass up on it. He is working 7 days a week now so I really don’t know when he is going to get to play it, but, I guess he won’t always be working 7 days a week! I am looking forward to hearing him and Michael play on it. Michael is now enrolled at NEO with a Music Major, and is taking piano lessons. So he is pretty excited about the piano as well.
Other news, my car is in the shop being fixed. They called yesterday to say that there was about $6000 worth of damage done. It will be another week before I get my car back. It is amazing how much damage a deer can do to your car. This pic doesn’t really show much. They said it appears that the deer “sat” on my hood and did quite a bit of damage under the hood. Looks can be deceiving that is for sure. I will be glad to have me car back…as will Michael as he is taking me everywhere I need to be till this is fixed. He is a good son!
My 28 day clean eating bootcamp was okay but not what I would have liked it to be. I plan to continue eating “clean” as much as I can, but it is harder than I though it would be. I am on day 26 of my 40 days of prayer. I am seeing God work in so many areas, and I know that He is working in all the things I am circling in prayer. It is amazing to me that He cares so much. Kelly and Tim both have jobs now, however, I am continuing to pray that Tim gets a specific job he is really wanting to get. I love the journey I am on!
but the FOOLISH one TEARS it down with her own hands. These are very true words! It translate into more than your home as well. If you are the manager of your husbands business you can build it up or you can tear it down, wisdom or foolishness. I have watched a woman, who thinks she is smart and knows way more than anyone else about everything there is to know (“in my opinion” in case she is reading this, she will understand that comment). She has single handedly been responsible for 10 employees walking out the door since 2012. This office has lost hard working, loyal workers that just could not take the meanness of this woman. And yet she, and her husband since he will do nothing to bring her under control, that she is going to be the downfall of this practice. She see’s herself as the all knowing one, the only one who can do anything, and she also believes that her husband will cheat on her with any pretty woman that he works with. Is that not the saddest thing? How good can the marriage be if she is suspicious of him all the time? She thought that one of his med techs had her eye on him because she sent him text messages saying such seductive things as “the sidewalk outside the office is very slick this morning, be careful” Or “thank you for letting me off early today so I could go to my sons game the score is…” I know if some woman who worked for my husband sent him messages like that I would automatically think he was having an affair! NOT! This was such an affront to this woman that she has now found another job and gave her 2 wks notice to the good Dr. I am so proud of her for taking the stand. Her character was maligned and Dr’s wife thinks that is ok. Apparently so does Dr because he does nothing to correct this unacceptable behavior. And so once again he loses a hard working, loyal employee. Since I walked out the door in Sept this will be the 3rd person to leave his employment in 5 months time. All 3 of them gave notice within weeks of each other, and yet he tells them that it is all in their head and that things are just fine in the office. The morale is good, the team is happy…he really believes that, or at least that is what he says. So I ask you, are you a person that builds up or are you a person that tears down? What kind of fragrance do you leave when you walk into or out of a room? Do people sigh and say oh no she is here or oh Thank you Lord she is gone when You leave? When people hear your name in public or in your home do they think of a Godly loving person or do they think of a mean spirited haughty person who thinks more highly of themselves then they should? Are you a Christian all the time or just at church? What legacy are you leaving? What memory will people have of you? Were you WISE or were you FOOLISH? Do you have religion or do you have a Relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords? Your life will tell the story much louder than your words.
Don’t get me wrong, we are all a work in progress and we all make mistakes and have much to learn and have a lot of room to grow, but the question I am asking is still valid…for if you think you already know it all then you have no room for growth, therefore you become stale and of no use in the kingdom of God. And what is worse, you are a stench and cause those who know you as a Christian to question the love of the God you claim to follow…I know that I am very black and white in my opinions. I make no apologies for this, I love God and serve Him with all, heart, mind and soul. I have no problem calling sin, sin and wrong, wrong. I am not PC nor will I ever be. Anything that keeps the truth from being spoken is in no way “correct”. God’s word is an offense to many, but especially to those who say they are living for God and yet are not following His ways. WISE or FOOLISH? BUILDING or TEARING down? What is the fragrance you leave? Food for thought…until next time….
It has been an eventful time the last week or so. It is exciting hearing from God, knowing that He hears me and is giving direction. He wants us to be Bold and Audacious with our prayers, He wants us to ask Him for the impossible…So that is what I have been doing. Have I seen these things happen? Not yet, but that doesn’t mean that my expectation of what He is going to do isn’t High! I have seen God working in our life, directing, making changes in my heart and my faith! I am blessed to be on this journey, a journey that isn’t going to end in 40 days. I prayed before this but somehow this is different, I am going in a direction with God that is deeper, more intimate. A place of vulnerability. A place that leaves me in a place of trusting Him to do and be what He said he would do and be! Praying prayers that are way above my finances, far above my ability to make happen. Believing for the impossible.
Speaking of impossible this boot camp of clean eating is not easy! Okay possibly IMPOSSIBLE for me! But, God is helping me get this done. I am sticking to the plan mostly. I have decided that I am going to allow myself to have coffee on the weekends. I am letting myself have a small amount of chocolate once in awhile. Small things that make this more doable for me.
I have other things that I want to write about but that is going to have to wait for another blog because it is time to go to church. But I will leave you with a teaser…thing have gone terribly wrong at my previous place of employment. I will fill you in on the details of this very frustrating and stupid drama. The bible says that a wise woman builds her house but a foolish woman will tear it down with her bare hands…paraphrased by me 🙂 but this is so very very true….so stay tuned I will be back to share the saga later!
This has not been easy for me. I find it difficult to have a definite time to set aside for prayer. I have heard that the best time is to pray first thing in the morning before the cares of the day take over…but for me it has proven to be the most difficult time of the day. And why wouldn’t it be? If you know me you know I am not a morning person. I don’t talk in the morning, I get ready for work, listen to my bible as I get ready and prepare David’s breakfast and lunch. I don’t even talk much when I first get to work. And yet because people have written books and spoke at seminars about first thing in the morning being the best time to pray I tried that…yea didn’t work out so well. So this first week of prayer I have found that the best time for me to pray is right before I go to bed. I have all the things from the day to discuss with the Lord, I know better how to pray about the things that I am “circling” in prayer and have been able to be very specific about them. I have gone to bed with peace and not concerned or stressed over what has happened during the day. So I have decided that the best time of day to pray is the time that works best for you, the time that you are the most alert and engaged in the conversation. For many people that is first thing in the morning, but not for me. I have a hard time staying focused on prayer in the morning, I don’t put everything into the conversation as I do when I pray before I go to bed. That is what I have discovered about this.
I have also been doing a clean eating protocol this is the first week of my 28 day journey…I have done okay, not as good as I would have liked. I have gone off of coffee, and sugar, and all unhealthy foods. It is hard for me this week because I don’t really like the vanilla shake mix much and the chocolate is on back order. I got an email telling me that the chocolate is on its way. Hopefully it will be here early next week! I have lost weight…not a lot of weight, but some and that is better than gaining! I was 4lbs over my stop weight when I went off of Hcg in September. I have maintained my weight loss for 4 months now and I am not wanting to go backwards. I want to start losing again. I know I need to be exercising again. But baby steps for me 🙂
So there is an update. Love to you who stop by to be a part of my life! See ya next blog!